You’re pregnant, you’re planning, and somewhere in the back of your mind a question has been nagging at you: should I hire a birth doula?

Maybe you’ve Googled it. Maybe a friend mentioned it. Maybe you’re reading this because some part of you already knows the answer – you’re just looking for someone to confirm it.

I’m here to confirm it. Hell yes, you should explore hiring a birth doula. And I’m not just saying that as a pregnancy coach. I’m saying it as a woman who gave birth twice – in two completely different settings, under two completely different sets of circumstances – and would not trade either of those experiences for anything, largely because of the woman who was in my corner for both, my birth doula!

Let me tell you about Jen.

My First Birth: What I Didn’t Know I Didn’t Know

When I was pregnant with my first son in 2016–2017, I knew two things: I wanted to give birth unmedicated, and I had no idea what I was doing.

That second part is what led me straight to a doula.

I reached out to my OB early in my first trimester and asked for referrals. She handed me a list. I made some calls. A couple of them didn’t feel right – the conversations were flat, the energy was off. I’m type A. I like directness. I want someone to walk in and say here’s how this works, here’s what I bring, what do you need? The first few calls didn’t give me that.

And then I got on the phone with Jen.

We connected immediately. We met in person at a Starbucks after work and I knew – this is my person. She broke everything down for me without guesswork: prenatal check-ins, a birth preparation class, labor support, a postpartum visit. A clear picture of exactly what working together would look like. For someone who wants to feel informed and prepared, that clarity was everything.

When you’re building your care team during pregnancy, it’s a vibe check. You are going to be deeply connected with this person during one of the most vulnerable moments of your life. You have to feel it.

I hired Jen early, and I noticed something almost immediately: she was getting to know me and my pregnancy in a way my OB appointments couldn’t. With a low-risk pregnancy, you get 10–15 minutes per visit – often with a different provider each time. Jen was consistent. She was curious. She was mine to ask questions, process fears, and feel genuinely seen by.

That mattered more than I expected.

The Moment I Understood Her Real Value

Fast forward to my labor. I’d been contracting through the night and into the morning, and she came to my house to assess. Within minutes of her arriving, I felt calmer. Safer. She immediately started moving me around – different positions, different locations – and introduced me to what I now lovingly call the dilation station (the toilet, friends – it works).

Things picked up fast. We headed to the hospital and I arrived well into active labor.

Here’s where the story gets real.

I was a first-time mom in a hospital environment. And naively, I thought “unmedicated” was just a checkbox you picked at the door. What I didn’t understand is that a hospital is a business. Medical intervention is the system’s default. And when you walk in – especially as a first-time mom – there is a very real current that pulls you in a direction you may not have chosen on your own.

A birth doula doesn’t advocate for you. She helps you advocate for yourself. There’s a crucial difference.

Within an hour of arrival, a nursing student did a cervical check and told me it was probably going to be another two hours. I looked over at Jen. She gave me the quietest, calmest head shake. It’s not two hours.

My son was born 45 minutes later.

I genuinely do not know what that moment would have looked like without her. Would I have believed the student? Doubted myself? Asked for something to take the edge off at the finish line? Maybe. But she gave me that final push of confidence – the look that said you’ve got this, you’re almost there – and I went inward and finished the race.

He was born. Unmedicated. Healthy. And she was right there.

What People Get Wrong About Doulas

One of the most common things I hear from moms in birth prep conversations is: “I don’t want it to be weird. Won’t having a doula there take away from the experience between me and my partner?”

No. Absolutely not.

A good doula brings you and your partner together – she doesn’t replace either of you. She supports both of you. She educates both of you. She holds the space so that your partner doesn’t have to figure out what to do in a moment they’ve never lived before, and so you don’t have to carry that alone either.

What Jen did in that hospital room wasn’t to take over – it was to make sure my voice was heard and my body was trusted. Those are two very different things.

And another thing I want to be clear about: doulas are not just for unmedicated births. You can hire a doula if you’re planning a medicated birth. You can hire a doula if you’re having a planned cesarean. The emotional support, the continuity of care, the informed presence – that has value no matter what your birth plan says.

The Things I Never Expected a Doula to Be There For

After my first birth, Jen came to my home for a postpartum check-in. That visit turned into the beginning of something that looked a lot more like a friendship than a professional relationship.

When I had a miscarriage between my two pregnancies, I called her at 5 o’clock in the morning. She answered. She walked me through every step of what I was experiencing at home and what I was about to experience at the hospital. She was there for something I never imagined she’d need to be there for.

I had no idea the scope of this role went that far. I thought a birth doula was someone who showed up at the hospital and helped you have your baby. I was so wrong – in the best way.

My Second Birth: Why I Hired Her Again Even Though I “Knew What I Was Doing”

Going into my second pregnancy, I thought: I’ve done this. I probably don’t need her this time.

I hired her again.

My second pregnancy was hard. Physically and emotionally harder than my first in every way. I moved within the Bay Area partly based on whether she could travel to me for the birth. I’m not even a little embarrassed about that.

I also completely changed my birth setting – from hospital OB care to a birth center with midwifery care, delivering in water. New setting, new team, but Jen was the constant.

My second son came fast. From the moment I knew I was in labor to the moment he was born: four hours. She was an hour away. She came to my house first because I needed her there – I needed that presence, that calm, that feeling of safety that allows a body to surrender rather than resist.

There is no birth for me without surrender. And when I felt her walk through that door, my body knew it was safe to do exactly that.

We made it to the birth center. My son was born in a bathtub in water not too long after. She was there.

How to Find Your Doula

If you’re feeling called to explore this, here’s where to start:

Ask your OB or midwife for referrals. Call local birth centers – they often keep lists of doulas they trust and work well with. Search online directories for your area. And then do what I did: make the calls, meet in person, and trust the vibe.

Some questions worth asking:

• What does your support package look like, start to finish?
• Do you have a backup plan if you’re unavailable when I go into labor?
• Have you supported births in my planned setting (hospital, birth center, home)?
• What’s your philosophy on pain management for unmedicated births?

And remember: these are interviews. You are the one doing the hiring. You are the expert on what you need. No matter how impressive someone’s credentials are, if the energy doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to keep looking.

Prep for birth like it fucking matters – because it does.

What’s Waiting on the Other Side

When I think about both of my births, I don’t just think about what happened. I think about how I felt.

I felt safe. I felt supported. I felt like my body was capable and my voice was heard. I felt like I wasn’t doing it alone, even in the most solitary moments of it.

That’s what’s waiting for you on the other side of hiring the right doula. Not just a smoother labor – though that’s possible too. It’s walking into one of the biggest moments of your life with a team that has your back. It’s your partner being supported alongside you. It’s your birth story being one where you showed up fully, made decisions from a place of clarity and confidence, and came out the other side knowing what you were capable of.

That stays with you. Long after the birth is over, that version of yourself stays with you.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Building your care team during pregnancy is one of the most important – and most personal – decisions you’ll make. And you don’t have to figure it out without support.

If you’re ready to go deeper on birth prep, I’ve built exactly the kind of guidance I wish I’d had from the beginning.

🌸 Empowered 21 Birth Affirmations + Guide — Your free collection of affirmations to help you feel grounded, strong, and ready for birth. Grab the free guide here.

🤰 Birth Prep Made Simple: Your Mind-Body Toolkit for an Empowered Pregnancy — The complete mind-body resource to help you prepare for birth with confidence — from birth planning to the mental and emotional tools you’ll actually need in the room. Get the bundle here.

📞 Book a Pregnancy Support Call — Want personalized support as you prepare for your birth experience? Let’s talk through exactly where you are and what will help most. Book your call here.